Losing my shapeshifting powers

Another title would have been something like "Becoming a grumpy old man."

I will explain what I mean in a bit.  Let me begin by defining amorphous, courtesy of dictionary.com.

a·mor·phous

  [uh-mawr-fuhs]  Show IPA

adjective

1.

lacking definite form; having no specific shape; formless: the amorphous clouds.

2.

of no particular kind or character; indeterminate; having no pattern or structure; unorganized: anamorphous style; an amorphous personality.

3.

Petrography, Mineralogy . occurring in a mass, as without stratification or crystalline structure.

4.

Chemistry . not crystalline.

5.

Biology . having structural components that are not clearly differentiated, as the nuclear material incertain bacteria.

A few individuals in my lifetime have commented on me and my personality being "amorphous."  What they meant was this: I get along with everyone. I am able to adapt to any sides of an argument, and be perfectly happy doing this.  I can adapt different points of views, and my personality can change based on people that I am with.

I was like this because I didn't care.  My personality changed depending on who I was with because I didn't care.  I had no strong opinions about anything because I didn't care.  To some degree, I probably enjoyed being able to take different sides or being able to be different people.

I know, I know -- if I put it this way, it doesn't sound like a superpower.  Everyone, to some degree, has this ability.  I suppose mine was just extreme.  I was (and to some degree still am) able to basically be whoever you needed me to be.  I didn't care.

This trait of mine didn't come from nuclear waste or being bitten by a spider.  It probably came out of ashes of my childhood (or lack of one) of not really having parents around, and needing to make connections with others.  Obsessively so.  I noticed that I was doing this before some friends began to comment on it.  It was fine though, it was the way that I got by.  If anything, that was typically a likable trait.  For getting along with everyone, this was a useful superpower.

But I am losing this ability.  I can feel it drain away.

If what I am describing as a personality trait is something like "flexible," then I am slowly losing it.

Let me explain.

I am beginning to form rather strong opinions about issues and topics.  I am no longer able to fully adapt a different side.  Fully -- that's really the keyword here.  I am sure I am still able to present reasons for believing a different side, but I am no longer able to confidently defend multiple positions.

Sounds pretty crazy, so thanks for reading this far.

I began to notice my shapeshifting powers fading during the summer when I worked with someone who approached mathematics teaching and learning in a different way.  Someone who believes that math is important because marks are important.  Someone who disliked discussing changes, modifications, and explorations of different approaches.  Someone who believes in the importance of procedural skills.

I couldn't adapt.

I still attempted to be pleasant, but I was visibly (at least to me) unable to agree with these opinions.

I thought I'd take this opportunity to list some of the things that I am no longer flexible about.  i.e. a list of things that I have come to firmly believe (firmly is a strong word.  I suppose I just mean that I am unable to whole-heartedly support other sides)

• Collaboration and math talk is essential to learning mathematics
• Classroom management needs to be done through engagement as opposed to punishment
• Learning mathematics is about individuals constructing their own understandings and creating their own mathematical identity
• Procedural knowledge can only be a sideeffect of learning mathematics
• Pen-and-pencil tests are inadequate as the only method to assess student learning
• "Grades" on a test does not determine student quality, but merely the quality of that specific student product.
• Everything is a conversation, not a statement.

This list is not exhaustive.  The last one probably looks a bit out-of-place, since it is basically saying "I am not flexible with someone who is not flexible."  However, that's really the only one that sparked all of these.  I was unable to accept, and unable to work with, someone who did not want to discuss differences and changes.  Even all of the points above -- although I have strong opinions about those topics, I am willing and able to chat about them.  But if you are someone who isn't even willing to talk about these points -- then I really can't work with you.

So basically, like my alternate title for this post, this is about me becoming a grumpy old man who is unable to be flexible about certain topics.